Back in 2010, when Claire was in preschool, her class played a lot of “question” games. For example, the teacher would write, “Do you like carrots?” on the chalkboard. Then the kids would stick their name tags under the “yes” column or “no” column. Or the teacher would ask, “How many marbles are in the jar?” and the kids would give their best estimate.
Well, Claire *loved* these games, and she started introducing the concept at home. She would walk around with a notebook and pen, ready to fire questions at us.
She didn’t go with easy questions, either. No. For example, she asked us:
I wouldn’t even bother trying to figure out what she was talking about–I would just throw out a number. Kate would take a wild guess too.
But Jack liked to give it an honest go, and would begin calculating an answer grounded in reality.
That was all well and good, but I sensed that Claire didn’t really have the right answer. So why bother trying to figure it out?
For instance, she asked us:
Me: “What do you mean? Gallons?”
Claire: “No, how much water!”
Me: “Water is measured in gallons.”
Claire: “No.”
That’s all. Just “no.”
I gave up that battle and answered: “Three.”
Kate yelled: “Ten!”
Claire thought about it…
Then she announced:
Five what? I had no idea.
She claimed that she was “not making the answers up,” but I had my suspicions. For instance, one question was:
Easy enough. She carried around two blankies — one yellow, one pink.
But no! She revealed that…
Yes, the fictional red blanket that no one had ever heard of! Obviously that was the right answer.
Things like this got Kate really worked up.
But in the face of these challenges, Claire stood firm.
After a while, I pretty much gave up even trying to guess.
But this usually backfired as well, much to Kate’s horror.
Every time I won (which was a lot), Claire would make me a “winning thing.” A medal. A trophy. A certificate. They were cute, but they really started to pile up, and some were quite large. So I had to “weed them out” by filing some in the “circular file,” if you get my drift.
Then, inevitably, Claire would appear, demanding to know:
That would send me on a fun digging excursion, where I would encounter coffee grounds, banana peels, chewed gum and other lovely material.
Another thing she would do with these games was add rules on the fly. One rule heavily favored the first responder. She informed us that: “You can’t guess the same answer.” Then she asked:
Kate of course said “October 4.” Then Claire reminded us of the new rule.
I’m not going to lie – it made it tough for the second person. But those were the rules, so what were you going to do? (Answer quickly, that’s what.)
After a while, Claire added an even more perplexing element into her game. Family members got points for… well, we didn’t know what. It was all very secretive. Out of nowhere, Claire would say, “Let’s see who has the most points!” Then she would run over to her notebook. Kate would follow closely behind.
Claire would refer to a page full of random chicken scratches, then declare:
You won’t be surprised to hear that Kate never won. She also never gave up. Even when it was clear that Claire was sabotaging her, Kate still played — and remained serious about winning.
Behold this exchange:
By this time, I would be back at the “circular file” trying to manage my “winning things.”
And Jack? He would still be trying to figure out how many snakes were in cornland.
This is cute; you all have more patience than I do. I’d quit after the second question.
Your memoirs should be titled, “Diary of a Mad Soccer Mom”, LOL
I like it!!
Your husband! ? Mine would react the exact same way!!
Lol! That’s too funny. Did you see John’s comment here? He’s still trying to figure it out!
I saw it now! Men are funny that way! ?
LOL OMG! JUST LIKE WITH MY KIDS, BUT ALL FIVE ARE BOYS !
Five boys!! What ages?
To be completely honest…I’m still thinking about the rattlesnakes in Cornland. Rattlers are more indigenous to warmer climates, so there is a lot of area you can eliminate due to temperature variations.
Hmmm…
Oh my gosh, I’m telling my husband. He will appreciate this so much!
omg, i love your humor, i couldnt stop LOL as I was reading. Your daughters are hilarious!!! Keep the humor rolling!!
Thank you, Sam! I will definitely keep it coming!
Rough week at work, no death or dismemberment issues mind you but rough nonetheless, and your story made everything all right again. Thank goodness I can get your medicine without a prescription! Rock on comic genius and best weekend wishes to us all 🙂
“No death or dismemberment issues.” Lol! Well, I’m very happy that my cartoons can cheer you up! Messages like this totally make my day — you have no idea. Thank you, Louise!
This might be your best one yet! I LOVE your long stories they are so so funny!!!!
Thank you, Deena! I really appreciate the comment! ; )
Love this story and all your Hedge Humor posts! Hysterical!!
Thank you, Alex!
The winging awards thing reminds me of when my eldest son discovered the joys of wrapping gifts when he was about 4. He started by making lego creations and wrapping them up in vast quantities of paper. Over time he made the process more efficient by not bothering with the creations so much as just wrapping single lego pieces, with even more enormous quantities of paper (once he had quickly eliminated all the wrapping paper in the house he made do with emptying the printer of all its paper)
Actually Dad is the clever one. – he neither quit the game nor competed. With a no-game thats the best strategy !
We are having trouble seeing all the images. Anyone else having trouble? Viewing in Chrome, but Safari also didn’t have the images. When I tried opening them in a new tab, it said, “This connection is not private.” Any tips?
Thank you! I’m glad you’re letting me know! When I moved websites, some links and photos didn’t quite make it. I didn’t realize that! I’ll fix it!
I’m having that problem too!