Hedger Corp: Ski Retreat!

The saga of Hedger Corp, told in weekly installments. More here.

When I told the staff we were going on a ski trip for Spring Break, they were less than enthused. They have no idea how to ski. They don’t WANT to ski. And they did not appreciate that I was making them use their vacation time for the trip.

The only one who seemed excited was Brandon. He sang the John Denver song “Rocky Mountain High” the entire way. With such heart.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.41.04 AM

When we arrived, we took a group photo. Unfortunately, Brandon was the only one who thought to dress for the weather. Everyone else just wore their work clothes. (Not a good idea, people.) Derek’s short-sleeved shirt was an especially poor choice.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.41.59 AM

It was getting really cold and snow was starting to come down, so we took refuge in a nearby chalet. It had a unique design, but provided very little warmth or shelter.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.44.33 AM

Brandon, ensconced in his attractive wool sweater, took a walk around in the snow. He happened upon a bunch of skis that looked like they were for the employees. He called everyone over to take a look.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.45.32 AM

The employees grew concerned. I had told them they would be taking beginner ski lessons. Yet some of the skis were clearly marked “X-Treme.” This seemed… not good.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.46.20 AM

Just then one of the instructors arrived via snowmobile.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.47.08 AM

He was an intense fellow with a strange look. And he was brandishing what appeared to be some sort of lightsaber.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.48.05 AM

Without a word, he kicked his snowmobile to the side.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.48.44 AM

Then he struck a pose and held it for a long, long time.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.49.24 AM

Finally, he swooped into another pose. Brandon seemed entertained but the rest of the crew was starting to freak out.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.50.14 AM

Suddenly, the instructor whipped around to face Ted. Then he stuck the lightsaber thing right up in his face.

“You,” he whispered.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.51.04 AM

He did a little leap over toward Derek.

“And you.”

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.51.47 AM

Anticipation grew as the instructor paused… deciding who to select next. Snow was really falling. The powder was getting quite deep.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.52.25 AM

“YOU!” he shouted as he jabbed at Bob’s glasses.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.53.07 AM

Ted, Derek and Bob shuffled to the side, afraid of what was going to happen next. Meanwhile, Ann and Sue exchanged glances. Maybe they had been spared?

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.53.53 AM

Indeed they had. Another instructor showed up — this one for Anne, Sue and Brandon. He was extremely awesome. That much was clear.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.54.44 AM

Sue’s excitement was tempered a bit when her arm broke off.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.55.47 AM

Hmm. Not ideal.

Still, she soldered on. Sue, Ann, Brandon and the Awesome Instructor walked over to the magic carpets. The “carpets” were moving sidewalk-things that carried them up a very small bunny hill. Barely any effort required. This was going to be fun and SO awesome!

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.56.35 AM

Things weren’t as awesome for the other group. The seemingly insane instructor forced them to carry their skis up an enormous cliff. Trudging through waist-high powder.

Up, up, up…

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.57.26 AM

Finally, they reached the top. But this didn’t make things better.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.58.06 AM

Ted took a deep breath as he looked at the vertical drop-off. The instructor had no patience for this hesitation, and gave Ted a jab with the lightsaber.

That did the trick.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.58.59 AM

He did the same to Derek, who fell head-first into the powder and got stuck. Grumbling, the instructor continued to stab at Derek, half-heartedly trying to free him.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 10.59.55 AM

Back at the magic carpet area things were more awesome than ever.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.00.38 AM

After they made it down the bunny hill a few times, the group took a break in the nearby warming hut.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.01.22 AM

They cuddled, told stories and had a grand old time.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.02.04 AM

Meanwhile, Bob was about to die.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.02.42 AM

He stood at the precipice and put on a brave face.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.04.10 AM

Then the instructor started shouting things at him. Bob thought he heard the instructor say, “Here comes the kick!” Could that be right?

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.04.58 AM

It was right.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.05.32 AM

Bob slid down, down, down until he reached a sheer drop-off…

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.06.18 AM

…and from there it was a free fall.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.06.58 AM

He landed with a thud next to the warming hut. The crew inside was too busy laughing and singing. They heard nothing.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.07.52 AM

Ted was not far behind. Down, down, down he went.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.08.37 AM

And Derek made three.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.09.17 AM

Things were bad.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.10.00 AM

But they were about to get even worse.

The instructor did not want to ski down such dangerous terrain. He opted instead to take his snowmobile. But all his driving and spinning around created an avalanche below him.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.10.50 AM

A wave of snow rushed down the mountain and buried the guys.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.11.40 AM

Somehow the warming hut was spared.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.12.23 AM

The instructor arrived at the bottom of the mountain to see what happened with the avalanche.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.13.07 AM

Then he realized he didn’t care what happened with the avalanche. He just wanted some hot chocolate.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.13.50 AM

Eventually, Brandon realized there was a problem and dug the guys out of the snow. That Brandon. He’s the best.

Everyone reconvened near the water cooler that we brought from the office.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.14.54 AM

Had it been the best ski trip ever? Possibly. Except that Sue’s arm broke clean off. And the guys almost lost their lives.

The ride home was rough, I’m not going to lie. Somehow Sue’s leg got detached as well.

Screen Shot 2017-04-01 at 11.16.45 AM

Next: The crew was eager to get back to the office — and that’s saying A LOT. Little did they know something horrifying was in store for them back at home…

8 comments

  1. I ALWAYS beware the snow. Last round of snow we received was part of Winter Storm Stella, or whatever it was called. About 19 inches in 2 days. Luckily I had my truck, because I could not find my van.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *