Hedger Corp: Productivity Retreat

The saga of Hedger Corp, told in weekly installments (catch up here). 

We’d hired interns. We’d conducted a team-building workshop. But still productivity was at an all-time low. So it was time for a Staff Productivity Retreat.

It took place in Hawaii, a location known for its workaholic ways.

Immediately after stepping off the plane, the employees were whisked to the Hedger Corp Hawaii office. There, they waited (and waited, and waited) in the open-air conference room for the Hawaiian employees to arrive.


Finally, they decided to pass the time by burying Bob. He was fine at first, but became alarmed when his co-workers made a move to bury his head.


Lucky for Bob, the Hawaiian employees arrived just in time to stop the live burial. Can anyone say “awkward meeting”?


The Hawaiian employees had prepared a “Productivity Demonstration,” due to begin at noon. As everyone got situated, Sue and Guy stopped by the breakroom for some watercooler chit chat.


Meanwhile, Derek seethed with envy as he checked out the corporate car that the Hawaii employees enjoyed. He was so blinded by jealousy, he didn’t notice the enormous pigeon sneaking up behind him — or the fact that Lance had gone still as a statue.


Finally it was time for the Productivity Demonstration. For 4 hours straight, the Hawaiian team remained in the same position. Just lying there, thinking about productivity. It was pretty amazing.


Sue was inspired, and tried the same technique poolside.


Derek and Bob gave it a go, as well. But they opted to float in the pool. Actually, Derek was floating. Bob (who has no idea how to swim) was slowly drowning.


Finally, someone tossed Bob a noodle. Once again, he had narrowly escaped death.


As all this was going on, Ann visited Nancy’s office. She was floored by the view.


She thought about her own office back at headquarters and became deeply depressed.

One extra large Mai Tai, please.


Ahh… that’s better.


Mahalo, Hawaiian employees, for teaching us the Ancient Island Method of Productivity. Perhaps we will return for a refresher course soon. But for now, we’re headed back to the mainland office! Once Ann sobers up.

Next: A new employee joins the staff and starts asking dangerous questions.


  1. Oh where do I begin lol. For starters I want one of those snazzy corporate cars Hawaii Hedge Corp gets. Poor BoB. And Mai Tais fix anything.

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