The saga of Hedger Corp, told in weekly installments. (More here.)
This week we held our office holiday party!
The employees spent Monday through Wednesday thinking about planning to prepare for the party. Then on Thursday they realized they were out of time, and they had to rush around to get everything decorated.
Bob was really hoping to put the star on the tree this year, but Derek is a real perfectionist, and you can’t mess with his vision. You just can’t.
The party began at the stroke of 5:00 p.m.
It was awkward at first. The employees just stood around, staring into the distance. But I have to say, the DJ we hired was really into it.
Finally the interns arrived! Suddenly it felt like a party instead of just a corporate meeting with a weirdly intense DJ.
A stranger appeared as well. No one had invited him, but he was wearing a tux and a really expensive watch, so we decided he could stay.
Even Hot Mailroom Guy made an appearance. He was inexplicably missing a hand.
With the music pumping, Sue, Grandma Bernice and “Guy No One Invited” engaged in a dance-off.
Meanwhile, Ann surveyed the cold coffee and day-old donuts. This spread has become a tradition for Hedger Corp. We proudly serve it at every party.
Back on the dance floor, “Guy No One Invited” executed a bold and dazzling move. And just like that, he cinched first place in the dance competition.
As a reward, we named him named Employee of the Month.
After all this excitement, a few employees started giving gifts. Unfortunately, some of the invitations I sent out said, “GIFTS REQUIRED.” And other invitations said, “NO GIFTS WHATSOEVER.” So… my bad.
Grandma Bernice brought a gift for Derek.
He opened it and realized that he should have corrected Grandma Bernice the first time she mistakenly called him “Brenda” instead of “Derek.” But he didn’t correct her, and it got all weird. Still, he never thought it would come to this.
Elsewhere, Bob presented a gift to Hot Mailroom Guy.
It was a poster he’d created. Bob though it would be funny and cool for Hot Mailroom Guy to have a poster of himself, perhaps to display in the mailroom. But Hot Mailroom Guy is NOT actually named “Hot Mailroom Guy” and, in fact, had never even heard that nickname. He stood there, confused. The awkward moment stretched on and on.
In another corner of the room, Techie Smurf presented Ann with an unwieldy and highly breakable Santa statue.
It was THE SAME ridiculous gift she’d received at Brandon’s party.
So now she had TWO of these giant things?? Perfect.
Sue, meanwhile, felt bad that she didn’t buy ANY gifts for her co-workers. She tried to give Bob a poster she found laying on the ground.
A little while later, I unleashed my surprise.
Instead of bonuses this year, I decided to shower my employees with thousands of candy canes, which would rain down from the ceiling at the end of the holiday party. The building started to shake as the candy canes were set free.
Unfortunately, I didn’t realize the candy canes I ordered were made of lead, not peppermint confection. Serious injuries resulted. The DJ, somehow spared from the onslaught, remained totally into the party.
Anyway, Happy Holidays from Hedger Corp! You would have received this picture in a nice, expensively printed card, but no one “owned” that action item.