The saga of Hedger Corp, told in weekly installments. (More here.)
This week, the staff gathered at my assistant Brandon’s apartment for an eggnog party. Brandon rents the bottom floor of a cozy, but luxurious apartment building. The weird thing? The building is actually across the street from the beach. Brandon has to pay big money to have all this snow manufactured around the clock.
Inside, Brandon was hanging out by the fire with his butler, Señor Misterioso.
At the stroke of 7:00, the employees arrived.
Derek was feeling good in his new high-waisted jeans. Then he spotted Brandon’s dashing sweater and made a mental note to purchase one of those too.
The mixing and mingling began. But there was a problem: Except for Bob, no one really cared for eggnog. And there didn’t appear to be any other food or drink available. Ted tried asking Señor Misterioso for some water, but the Señor replied with a cryptic question: “Have you ever seen a man glow in the dark?”
Ted dropped the matter.
As the evening continued, the Señor grew more mysterious, popping up in unexpected places.
The employees kept pouring more eggnog, then passing it off to Bob so he could drink it for them. Bob started wondering how much he’d consumed. One gallon? Five gallons?
“Was eggnog lethal at a certain quantity?” he wondered. The room started to spin.
Then Brandon called everyone to gather ’round the fire.
To get everyone in a festive spirit, he told them about the holiday stuff he’d done during the week.
How he’d gone caroling with some enthusiastic singers and built some giant snowmen…
He’d constructed a gingerbread house, then eaten the whole thing…
He’d even met Santa.
This made Bob think about his own not-so-festive week.
Then Brandon made an exciting announcement: He had two gifts to give out. The first was a locket with his picture in it.
Derek started to freak out. Even though he’d just met Brandon, Derek had already decided they should be best friends forever. Brandon was so cool and confident… everything Derek wanted to be.
“I must own that locket,” Derek thought. He decided then and there that he would kill whoever got it.
Luckily for everyone, Brandon drew Derek’s name out of the hat.
Then Brandon drew the name for gift #2. Ann was the winner!
Alas, the gift was an enormous Santa figurine. Ann had no idea what she was going to do with it.
“It’s extremely fragile,” Brandon said. “It will shatter at the slightest amount of pressure, so be careful.”
Ann wondered if maybe she could “accidentally” leave it behind, but before she could concoct a plan, Brandon gathered everyone together again. He presented a poster I made, reminding the staff that they needed to report to work immediately after Christmas. I like to keep reminding them about this.
That pretty much killed the party.
Everyone gathered their things as the Señor managed to pull off one last mysterious move.
Next: The office holiday party starts strong, and ends disastrously.
I can envision Bob as the kind of guy who would wear a “mistletoe” hat that NO ONE notices he is wearing….except Bernice. Lol
Oh my gosh, YES.
Riveting!! What’s happening to Ann’s hair in the 5th and 6th pictures..?
Lol! That is actually a decoration on the wall *behind* Ann’s head! I’m the worst photographer ever and didn’t realize that it was positioned right over her head! If I ever tell you that I want to take your headshot, I urge you to say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” : )
Oh right!! I thought it was static electricity or something! Bwahaha…
Or it looks kind of like an aureole…!
Sorry halo I mean! Confused with languages!
I like both of those theories!
Ann has been transformed into the Virgin Mary ?
Now THAT would be a story!!
Love your humor. Needs to be in the Sunday Colored funny papers.
In a group chat I asked my friends to explain what’s going in the final picture and this was one response:
“Santa died so people are picking him up to bury him. Then someone got strangled by a necklace and a person is trying to make him dance with his legs. And the guy in white is secretly a spy and has suction cups on his feet. Oh, and there’s a giant in the background.”
Oh my gosh, I’m dying at that description!! And honestly, that sounds about right.
P.S. Hedger Corp is coming back, so more fun ahead!